EP 3: My Studies
Hello and welcome to this episode. During the COVID-19 pandemic, we witnessed many people who lost their job during this period. They could be our friends, our family, people we know, sole breadwinners, loyal staff that were with their company for ten years, twenty years and counting. Through no fault of theirs, all these were driven by the sudden imbalance to the world’s demand during the pandemic. The world was suddenly divided into necessities and non-necessities. Suddenly the way we do things changed and the change occurred at an accelerated pace. People were let go from their former positions either because there was suddenly no demand, or the nature of the work changed to something that required more technology-related skills, or it was made redundant by technology.
This showed a need to continue to keep up with the times, to learn and pick up skills that are relevant or needed moving forward. And it is not just techie skills, but soft-skills like leadership, collaborative skills and the ability to communicate cross-disciplines. I am a firm believer in learning and education. As a hobby, I picked up cooking and baking skills by surfing Pinterest, reading recipes and when the pandemic set in, for example, being able to cook different types of food did save us a pretty penny and we felt comforted we could still enjoy a variety of meals together as a family.
Of course formal education is still necessary. It sets up a base to structured learning and in the times I grew up in, that was believed to translate into good jobs after we graduate. I remember one of my art lessons in Primary school was to draw “my ambition”: I recall I drew a nurse, holding a very big injection needle in one hand, dressed in a white clean uniform, complete with a cute white hat on top of the head.
Coming from a poor background spurred me to study hard, exceeding my mum’s expectation to score well enough to apply for the Special Assistance Plan, otherwise known as SAP school after my primary school. I could tell she didn’t think too highly of me because of the Secondary school choices she made me fill in the application form before the Primary School Leaving Examination (PSLE) results were released. I wanted to prove her wrong and I did made it to top five Secondary schools in Singapore at that time. I continued to work hard on my studies and made it to one of the top Junior Colleges in Singapore and triple science stream. With the newfound confidence in my ability to study, I gave myself permission to dream a bit bigger. I upgraded my dream job from a nurse to be a doctor. The impression of being a professional well-respected knowledgeable doctor and the first one to be a doctor in the family was a dream to me as a teenager.
I lost focus on studying during my teenage years. Most of my Junior Collage classmates, even my best girl friend then, took on Special papers, which is called S papers in the school. I’d rather avoid more homework and additional classes after school hours and instead spend my time on other frivolous things in life, such as being with my boyfriend back then. I happened to watch Saving Private Ryan on television one day and after the first 10mins of the movie, there was a scene. I vaguely remember it was the scene of a fierce fight on the battlefield. A Medical Officer was running towards one of the fallen soldiers and in an anguished tone he was shouting towards the direction of the enemies, “God damned it. Give me a chance to save this one!” while his hands were working feverishly trying to stop the bleeding from the fallen soldier. It was in that moment, I asked if I was able to do that, to demonstrate that spirit of just wanting to save lives in critical moments. The rest of the movie went by with a blur, I couldn’t pay attention to what I was watching as my mind was creating my self-limited belief. I told myself:I don’t have the spirit of that M.O. in the war to save lives. It may sound incredulous now but that was a self-limiting story that was weaved from the inside of my mind that I gave myself to walk away from my dream of being a doctor. In hindsight, as I use my lens now and look back to my sixteen year old self, I can hear myself exclaiming so loud in my mind: why?! Why in the world did I come up with that belief that I cannot do it and walk away from my dream?!
For the months that followed, I felt lost, I didn't know what I wanted to do in my life stuck in finishing my college years of triple Science. I lost focus studying, I didn’t pay enough attention in class. At worst I just passed my tests and exams. Eventually I passed with an average score in the GCE Cambridge A levels examinations and saw most of my JC classmates making it into medical school. I shunned most of my classmates who all did very well unsurprisingly because they are all smarter than me and put in alot more efforts. I just felt so inferior. Staring at my results, I’d thought “what next in my life”? I accepted I cannot do Engineering with my disastrous result in Physics; my English is not excellent and my General Paper (also known as GP) sucks big time. Dentistry was already oversubscribed by Triple Science stream students who did much better than me but didn’t make it into Medical School. I had this belief that students who REALLY wanted to become doctors but were unsuccessful due to their results or maybe luck, will settle for something in a related field like dentistry. Looking back, I am sure there are also students that really aspire to become dental surgeons and who really want to render their professional services to people’s pearly whites. But dentistry just wasn’t for me as I had no interest and so I passed up on that option. Finally I concluded maybe another profession like architecture might work. I sat for an aptitude test with little to no preparations beforehand to apply for architecture school. I can’t even recall what I answered in the aptitude test but they accepted me.
Looking back with hindsight when Covid-19 happened, it may be a blessing in disguise for me that I didn’t make it to medical school. I see the personal sacrifices made by the medical professionals and workers, the long hours and the grueling personal protective equipment they need to don in order to work, while I could still work from my dining table at home on my laptop. I deeply admire their resilience to carry out their call of duty through the pandemic. Nobody knows if I could have done the same in their position. I am thankful I had a relatively easier working condition compared to those in the medical field.
I learned that it is important to remain focused in life if you have a dream and keep working on them. Whether it is a big step or a small step you take, you will be nearer to your dream everytime you act on it. I wish I had a trusted adult I could talk to and guide me back when I was sixteen, when I was bold and when I was dreaming big. That someone who could have nudged me and dispel me from that self-limiting belief I have created for myself. Maybe I would have done something very differently from today.
Today I have a child that is growing up faster than I’d have liked, whenever she shares about her dreams, or what she wants to do, or what she believes she cannot do. I hit a pause button to listen. I am learning to be encouraging, to try to dispel any self-limiting belief if I do spot any. I think It is important she has a chance to try. If she never tries, she never knows.
So to you who is listening in to my podcast now and if you have children, stepchildren, nieces and nephews or even friends from a younger age group. I urge that if they share their fear and wants to give up on their dream, please help them to hit the pause button for a minute. Spend a little bit of time to help the young minds dig a bit deeper. Was it a self-limiting belief they created because something triggered them? Was it a fear of failure? Was it a false perception there is not enough resources, money perhaps, that they stopped dreaming big? I urge you to please reach out and help them. A few words to help sort out their thinking, coaching them may alter their course of life, the way they do things. Perhaps it will impact on the way they see themselves. In the long run, I believe it will help them in their self-confidence, to be more aware of their thoughts and that could do alot to help them to build their self-awareness. It will help them to try, to work and be nearer to their dreams.
